Day 66 – 2 hours       371.5 to go

It’s 5am – I just spent the last hour in bed musing over all the things happening in my life and praying about what to do about them – My Lord has been wonderful to me – He has given me a loving childhood, has protected me through my “bad boy” days, has blessed me with two wonderful children who have grown up to be someone I am so proud of.  I live in a comfortable home, have traveled to many places and seen many, many things.  I have the most amazing friends and have had more grace and mercy bestowed upon me than I come close to deserving.  That is the glass half full.  The glass half empty is that I am the modern day prodigal son.  At 18 years old, I left the nest of loving parents and squandered it on a life of sex, and drugs, and rock-n-roll.  The desires of the flesh consumed me.  My desires resulted in unborn children, drug addiction, and a set of moral values that was so, so far from the God that I knew, understood, and accepted as a young boy.  I went from altar boy to hell-driven man.  My life was a roller coaster that must have my guardian angel exhausted.  My God has protected me from disease and ruin.  I have recklessly spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and am now in debt and without lots of work.  The glass half-full is that I have been able to financially do what it takes to care for my father who has full blown Alzheimer’s.  I have kicked my habits (I know, once an addict, always an addict) and now spend that time in prayer.  I spend lots of hours in ministry to the sick, I have been on 13 retreat teams over the last 5 years, and now prefer to do the Will of the Father over anything else.  But I still worry, which I pray every day not to do.  I struggle mightily with the things I write about to all of you.  I struggle with patience and of the 12 Steps to Holiness and Salvation, I only am confident of faith and prayer.  I have hope, but as I said, still worry too much.  I do love God, but still have not completely committed to His will. I have many friends and love my neighbor but not always unconditionally (agape love).  I am struggling with embracing my poverty and debt.  Thank the Lord that I have made huge strides with the “flesh stuff” and the virtue of chastity.  Obedience, meekness, and humility; well these are my biggest challenges.  Mortification is a subject I am learning about; slowly, but at least on the right mind-set.  I have come to accept, I think, that IT’S NOT ABOUT ME, IT’S NOT ABOUT MY WAY – IT’S ALL ABOUT GOD.  As you are witnessing for these last two months, I have come to know prayer as the answer on how to “get over it” and walk in the right path.  It will lead me to recollection and seeking God and finding peace in solitude.  Finally, there is self-denial and love of the Cross.  In Matthew, we all are called to, “Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect.”  That’s how we are to truly love the Cross.  The idea of me, Michael Dale Olock being perfect as my heavenly Father is perfect, well, that’s still a bit of a stretch for my brain.

Yesterday I was introduced to the concept of sacred or limina space.  "Limina is the Latin word for threshold, the space betwixt and between. Liminal space, therefore, is a unique spiritual position where human beings hate to be but where the biblical God is always leading them. It is when you have left the "tried and true" but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are finally out of the way. It is when you are in between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. It is no fun.”  My hope is that I am standing right outside that space.  My hope is that this prayer project will push me into this “holy aimlessness”.  Please pray for me, yourselves, your families, and your friends that all of us will come to know the “Will of the Father”.  We are all called to Holiness and Salvation.  We are all called to Divine Intimacy.  God is waiting for us – patiently, lovingly waiting for us to be what He created us to be. 

May the Lord bless us and keep us, may His face shine upon us, and may His peace, especially His peace be upon us today and forever - AMEN.

My chaplet was for the people of Haiti & Chile and my rosary was for the ACTS Missions Teams to Canada

Peace